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« Tagged: Writing Q & A | Main | Official Kissing Day Blogfest--My TV Kiss Picks »
Tuesday
Dec222009

My Kissing Scene--A Day Late

 

Alright, so yesterday was Kissing Day Blogfest, which I participated in by posting my favorite TV kisses.  I chose not to put something from my romance because I've entered it in a few contests that require that it not be published online.  However, idiot that I am, I forgot that I could post one from my YA since it is now buried under my bed and will no longer be submitted anywhere.  I am going to resist editing this excerpt, although, I'm itching too.  So without further ado , here's my contribution...

 

Setup:  Willow, my MC, has just found out that she has a supernatural talent (aura reading) and that the boy she's interested in also has some special gift.  They each want to find out what the other has.  They are sitting on the couch at her house.

 

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” Pierce said. 
            “What?” I asked, my mind plummeting into the gutter. 
            He laughed.  “I don’t mean it that way.  Although, now that I think about it…”  He waggled his eyebrows.
            I smacked him with a throw pillow.
            “Hey!” he said, raising an arm to fend off my attack.  “I meant, I’ll show you my talent, if you show me yours.  I know you must have one.”
            “You first,” I insisted
            He groaned.  “Okay, fine.  But I need you to promise to be quiet during my demonstration.” He pulled his face into feigned sternness.
            “Promise,” I said, crossing my heart with my finger. 
My mind raced with the possibilities, thinking of all the weird questions from the test.  What skill did he have?  I hoped he wasn’t going to channel the dead or something.  That would be a little too much for me.  I didn’t care how cute he was.  If he started talking like my Grandma Betty, I was bailing.
             The couch cushion dipped as he scooted closer and tucked a leg underneath him.  I met his eyes, expecting to find the normal glint of mischief in them, but a stormy seriousness resided there instead.  He reached up and cupped my face with cool hands.  My body stilled underneath his touch, afraid to even take a breath.  What the heck was he doing?
He leaned in until his mouth was mere inches from mine.  I tried to drag my gaze away from his, but his eyes were drowning pools pulling me further in.  What had we been talking about again?  I no longer cared what his talent was.  I wanted his lips on mine.  I wanted him to lay me down on the couch and kiss me so hard I developed a lisp.  He moved in even further, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs, sending tingles racing from my head to my toes.  Warm breath caressed my face.  My fingers flexed, yearning to reach out for his solid chest, to pull him to me, to know what he felt like, but I was scared to move.  I closed my eyes, relishing the body heat wafting off him, preparing for the taste of his kiss. 
Then, all the warmth disappeared.  The couch shifted, and his hands dropped from my face.  A sense of loss rushed through me.  I blinked my eyes open to find him grinning broadly. 
“What the hell are you doing?” I demanded. 
His smile turned downright wicked.  “That was better than I could have imagined."
“What was?”
“You so want me,” he said.  “You would let me throw you down on the couch and put my hands all over you.  That’s pretty hot.” 
Oh. My. God.  I needed a hole to open up in the floor, so it could swallow me.  All the blood in my body rushed to my cheeks.  My fists clenched.  “What the hell did you just do?”
“I’m an empath.  I have the ability to sense feelings, especially strong ones like lust.  Something that you clearly have a lot of.”  He stuck his thumb to his chest.  “For me.”
 “Ugh!  You, you--"
"What?"
"You knew that would happen!  You set me up.”  My voice sounded shrill even to my own ears.  
He held up a finger.  “Correction--I didn’t know that would happen.  I can only read you when I’m touching you.  So, I had no clue what I would get until I tried.  You could’ve been repulsed by me, for all I knew.  I was hoping for a positive reaction, but I didn’t realize I was going to get that kind of reaction.  Although, I understand, I am awesome and all.”
I ran my hands over my face.  “God, stop teasing me.  I’m mortified enough.”
“Don’t be,” he said, leaning back and draping his arm across the back of the couch.  “So you want me.  No biggie.  I get that a lot.”
I smacked him with the pillow again, which sent him into a fit of laughter.  
“You're such as ass.  This isn't fair, you have all the advantage.  You know exactly how I feel, and I have no clue what's going on in that evil brain of yours.”
He gave a solemn nod.  “Yeah, that must suck for you.”
I attempted to hit him a third time, but he caught my arm mid-swing.  Before I could pull away, he brought it to his mouth and placed a soft kiss on the inside of my wrist.  He lifted his gaze to meet mine.  “I told you I’m not that subtle, so I’m sure you have some idea what I’m feeling.”
His lips left a seared patch of skin in their wake, and my insides turned all fluttery.  My body was such a trader.
“You’re still a jerk ,” I muttered, then yanked my hand out of his grasp before my feelings could reveal that I didn’t really mean my words.


Alright, there's my late contribution to kissing day.  Hope you enjoyed.  Now the novel goes back with the dust bunnies.  :)

 

 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Kiss" - Prince
(player in sidebar if you'd like a listen)

 

Reader Comments (23)

Aaarrgghhh! I so wanted him to kiss her! You totally rocked that almost kiss! I must say, I'm sooo glad you pulled that out from under the bed and shared it! Whew! It was goooood!

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersherrinda

This was shelved!!!!! No fair! I want to read the stuff before and after this almost kiss.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStina Lindenblatt

I am blown away. Excellent stuff!!

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElanaJ

That was great! I love the sexual tension.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEva O'Dell

Ooo that was good Roni!

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie

Ooh I like it! I really love the voice and this is something I'd enjoy reading. Great writing.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterT. Anne

Why on earth is this buried under your bed somewhere?! I love it! My favorite line: "I wanted him to lay me down on the couch and kiss me so hard I developed a lisp." :-)

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShannon O'Donnell

I have to agree with the others, Roni. I am completely in awe that this was shelved. Of course, I have several on the shelf, too, but I'm hoping to overhaul and fix someday. This was way hawt! And about your prediction yesterday, yep, already been working on a snowflake for an adult. That pivotal scene is already in my head:)

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTina Lynn

I love it! Your characters are so vivid. Great job!

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie Faris

Oh, no he didn't! :)

And why is this shelved??

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Excellent Roni! Pull that puppy out and finish it!!

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDeb@RGRamblings

I loved this! So fun to read and great details!

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBethany Mattingly

Wonderful Roni!

I love your writing and have really enjoyed your blog this year :)

Merry Christmas :)

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTabitha Bird

This was a great scene! I really wanted to know what would happen next.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Thanks everyone for all the comments and feedback. I'm glad y'all liked it.

And the reason why it's shelved is because of some plot problems. I really like my characters and feel comfortable with my voice, but after changing the story like five different times, I became burnt out. I'm still waiting for the epiphany that's going to tell me how to fix the plot. :)

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRoni @ FictionGroupie

Wow. Great writing. That was terrific, Roni.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBethany Wiggins

I loved that. Sometimes when you read something you just kind of drag yourself from one paragraph to the next, and sometimes the words pull you along without you even noticing and then all of a sudden its over and you're wanting more....this was the latter, for sure.

I hope you fix your plot problems and pull this one off the shelf.

Well played madame.. well played.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJm Diaz

thanks for sharing this out from the dustbunnies! it was so awesome...even though you thought it needed to be edited! silly you. (an aside - you know, when i was 6 and first heard the word dustbunny, i actually thought there was a bunny made of dust under the bed. am i the only one?)

jeannie
http://charactertherapist.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">The Character Therapist

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJeannie Campbell, LMFT

Consider me throwing my panties at you cause girl you rocked that scene. I love the tension!

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDawn Hullender

Bethany, thanks!

Too cute, thanks, u guys are so good for my ego, lol.

Jm, thank you kind sir

Jeannie, wait there aren't bunnies made of dust? :)

Dawn, lol, thanks, my first panty throwing, awesome!

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRoni @ FictionGroupie

Nice! Great tension, voice and use of narrative beats in your dialogue--really balanced.

I know exactly what you mean about letting a manuscript simmer a while because of plot problems. I wish you all the best with finding your epiphany. I can suggest a few books that might inspire:
Fiction First Aid by Raymond Obstfeld
Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King
The Scene Book by Sandra Scofield
Plot and Structure by James Scott Bell

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlaurel

Wow, I SO want to read that.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDominique

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